Five Years Ago

There is an irony to the calendar this year.  Monday is the five year anniversary of the Tech massacre, an event that has left an indelible print on my life and that of the area where I live.  I know people who had family and friends on campus and the impact is felt to this day.  On Wednesday, of the same year, my nephew was involved in a auto accident that took him from us at 17.  So this week I am playing out the memories of both of these tragedies on the same days of the week they happened.

The loss of Jesse has had a profound impact on my entire family.  Few conversations go very long before his name comes up.  Even gone five years, he is a prominent personality in my family.

I wrote this four years ago, and still feel it is appropriate today:

The rest of this week is going to be tough. Today marks the one year anniversary of the Virginia Tech tragedy, and Saturday marks one year since my nephew Jesse died. Much has changed and much seems to be a raw sore.

I have intentionally avoided the media on the Tech stuff, other than to note that the State of VA has settled with many of the families of the victims. As if money will help salve the loss of a child or near relative.

I have deep compassion for the families of those who died and for those who were wounded in such a senseless act. Was I not in the middle of a family tragedy, I doubt I could have comprehended the pain. All I can say is that nothing in my life has prepared me for this. Not having a deadbeat dad, losing my grandfather to suicide at 12, or my best friend's death at 18. My life is changed, as are the rest of my family. We can never be what we were.

I never know what will be the next thing to trigger a meltdown. Today, it was hearing the Dishwalla song "Counting Blue Cars." If you have never heard it, the song is the story of a many walking with a young child who asks many questions, some of which just leave you with your jaw on the ground. The song uses, "tell me all your thoughts on God," as an example. Jesse was doing that to all of use from age 3 on. As I have said before, his intellect left me in the dust years ago.

But I will soldier on, as I have been brought up to do. I will struggle each week with some new surprise, and life, such as it is will move forward. For in the end, what other choice is there but to keep going and doing what we can to make this a better world.

I wrote this two years ago:

 I'll be honest, I don't have a clue as to the direction this one will take. I'm sitting in my den, it is the third anniversary of the saddest day in my family's history. I know that time is supposed to heal all wound, or wound all heals, but this one just is not the kind to go away. So the past few weeks I have focused outward in an attempt to find some solace.

Solace is a great word. It means comfort or consolation for sorrow. It doesn't mean the wound is healed, just that the pain has been taken away for a while. Think of solace as aloe for your soul.

I have found solace in looking at the amount of love and devotion still being shown toward Jesse by his friends. I find solace in working with that kid who is so bright that it makes me laugh with joy. I find solace in the selfless acts of others when they speak out for another. I found solace in knowing that the spark of what was good and true in Jesse lives on in others, even those who never knew him.

So as the book says; "hope comes in the morning;" so too does my solace. For those who carry the banner to make the world a better place, please keep doing it. In so doing, the world does improve. So keep working and find your solace.

 There are other tragedies that have spiraled out from Jesse's death that I will not expound on here.  They are personal and private and only close family and friends are privy to them.  Suffice it to say that death and grieve are dealt with in different way by different folks.

What I will close with is this.  The families of the Tech tragedy have found many ways of dealing with the loss.  Some have been positive and productive, and some not so much.  Many of the things that have happened in the aftermath of Jesse's death have been fantastic and speak well for his spirit.  Those are the things I choose to focus upon those things and the things I do in his memory and leave all of the other stuff behind.